ab invito ~ ms Fujiwara, thank you so much for these 2 years and 2 months

having a strong intuition - take it as you like, the socionical one, or the usual one - has both advantages and disadvantages. the good side is that you know what comes next and you are ready for it. it does not work for me often, though. nevertheless, intuition has an unpleasant side, too

after I knew that the current arch of the manga is the last, I persuaded myself that an 'arch' in manga is something that lasts a dozen of chapters, which means I can spend one more happy year with it. I could even prove it with my logic. when the mangaka took a break for one month, I also took a break. when the manga was back the next month, I decided to prolong my break and wait one more month. the next month came and I decided that I could not read the new chapter because it would make me closer to the finish, which was not scheduled yet. then the next month came and I thought there was a good opportunity for me - to wait until the manga ends and read all the last chapters starting from the one after the mangaka's break to the very end. however, the moment I realised this opportunity, I was scared. why? because I guessed exactly how it would be. I could try to persuade myself once more that there will be some more chapters, I could try to shut my eyes to that, I could try to ignore that fear, but it was late. I already realised what would happen next: there will be some more chapters, few enough to count them with fingers on only one hand, and there will be an end. I could not believe it, I would not want to believe it, but I was aware it will be this autumn. against my own will, but naturally, I did not start reading until today, therefore not noticing the inscription on the 83th chapter cover saying there were only 3 chapters left until the end
and today, when I opened Facebook to check my friend Ann's activity, I read ms Fujiwara's posts by chance, and realised it is the end

it is hard to pretend you are surprised when your subconsciousness has been whispering the truth to you all the time. if it were like a bolt from the blue, I would probably be able to cry and feel refreshed. but it wasn't like that. it crept up, slowly, gradually, it did not come from somewhere, it was born within me and grew up from a mere guess to the absolute confidence, no matter how hard I tried to suppress it. if someone said to me that I am wrong and I needn't hope for the better, I would hit him, but when it is your own mind that tells you that, there is nothing you can do but to admit your defeat

it is so strange. next week I have an important work as a guide which I have to prepare for, and today I have a translation to finish, but that seems so insignificant

I have finished listening to Siam Shade's discography and those moments when I found a song I could die listening to will never repeat. I will have finished reading Maid-sama within the next few days, and the moments of bliss of the new chapter coming out will never repeat. so many other masterpieces I have already discovered - I will never discover them as if they were new to me