my litthe thoughts - a discourse with myself aloud

is it me growing to an adult, or hath Takarazuka really changed my life?

the reason why I am thinking over that stuff right now is that, while looking through an anime-dedicated website I suddenly felt myself BORED. in other words, I felt precisely NO interest to the topics discussed and issues risen

the difference between the former me and the me as I am now was traced very simply

after I looked at some cosplay photos I was for no moment interested in what the cosplayed fandom is, or who the characters are

after I looked at huge collections of pics I was not excited by their diversity and did not urge myself to download and watch/read something because of them

after I encountered some names of Japanese bands or performers I was not even surprised I do not know them

after I saw some handsome guys I had not a trace of a will to get to know them

after I saw some cute girls I was never thinking of their possible life background

...and the list could be prolonged considerably, but I feel this is enough

though I was never the type which falleth for the outer appearance of things, I can admit now, that I was subject to the cheap tricks of anime/manga creators, the thing which is called FANSERVICE. I was even thinking I could be able to watch/read something only because of the fanservice elements presence. was I really able? 

of course, not. I felt no satisfaction after following the friendly inviting sweet covers, and finding nothing inside. however, the invitation was so strong... the invitation consisting partially of the bright appearance of those 'pieces of art', and partially of the fact that everyone knoweth/watcheth/readeth that damn thing and I do not...

in general, 'tis not as if I was a fanservice-lover and suddenly I change everything to the opposite. 'tis just that I was feeling a particular interest for that, and now I am not

in other words, the former me was suppressing the will to respond to those fanservice things - as me knew it would lead to no good and I would be eventually disappointed with it. and the me now hath no need to suppress anything - as if I accepted the inevitable and realized I do not have to follow the others and be aware of everything and be an expert even in the things I dislike

that is how I ended up indifferent for the things I was feeling bothered with for quite a long time

and the answer on the question above is - BOTH

the process of rejecting my former line of behaviour might be considered a natural one but I am pretty sure Takarazuka helped me in it. Takarazuka showed up in my life exactly when I needed it, needed something new to compare, something adorable to feel passionate for, and something very sophisticated to 'upgrade' my own tastes

moreover, Takarazuka taught me to admire different things. I can enjoy the things that I simply disliked before, I can listen to songs and look at pictures and watch videos that were 'not my type', and though I cannot love them even now, I can find their own good points, their 魅力, their charm, and I do acknowledge their value, even if they still do not inspire me

of course, Takarazuka itself is not the reason, but after I was so obsessed with it for half a year, paying no attention to the former objects of interest of mine, I became able to feel the difference between the two worlds much keener

though the fanservice elements will certainly stay a significant part of my reasoning when I choose what to watch/read, the only fanservice I shall pay attention to from now on will be my own system of preferences

after all, becoming an adult is such a good thing, whatever they say. instead of adopting the social norms, I only gain the courage to ignore them. instead of obtaining a burden, I only learn to become free. finally, I am aiming to become the true me
doth it sound strange? I fear it doth... the truth is, a child is much more subject to copying others and also he feeleth obliged to do what he is awaited to - for the reason, he is a tabula rasa (did I spell it right?) where no one misseth a chance to write something

and my 20th birthday was so great. the moment I was sitting with my teacher preparing for the speech contest I suddenly realized how free I am. obliged to no one, bound by nothing

suddenly felt that for the first time in my life I really do not give a damn about the others, not just pretending to do that

was it a coincidence, that I became an adult in one moment, and that was precisely my 20th birthday?

...of course 'twas. I do not believe in any superstitious things or prophecies