searching for clever lines ~ Sherlock

season 1 episode 1

Sherlock and John

- You're a doctor. In fact, you're an army doctor.
- Yes.
- Any good?
- Very good.
- Seen lot of injuries, then. Violent deaths.
- Well, yes.
- Bit of trouble, too, I bet.
- Of course. Enough for a lifetime, far too much.
- Want to see some more?
- Oh, god, yes.

Lestrade and Sherlock

- Who's this?
- He's with me.
- But who is he?
- I_said_he's_with_me.

John and Sherlock

- That's fantastic.
- Do you know you do that out loud?
- Sorry, I'll shut up.
- No, it's... fine.

- She said, you get off on this, you enjoy it.
- And I said "dangerous", and here you are.

Sherlock

- Anderson, don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street.

episode 2

John and Sherlock

- Did you like it?
- Um... no.
- Why not? I thought you'd be flattered.
- Flattered? 'Sherlock sees through everything and everyone in seconds. What's incredible, though, is how spectacularly ignorant he is about some things.'
- Hang on a minute, I didn't mean that...
- Oh, you meant 'spectacularly ignorant' in a nice way!

Sally and John

- You're still hanging around him.
- Yeah, well...
- Opposites attract,  I suppose.
- We're not...
- You should get yourself a hobby. Stamps, maybe. Model trains. Safer.
...
- Fishing! Try fishing!

John, Sherlock and Lestrade

- Fantastic.
- Meretricious.
- And a happy new year.

John and Sherlock

- Homeless network?
- My eyes and ears, all over the city.
- Oh, that's... clever. So, you scratch their backs, and...?
- Yes, then disinfect myself.

Moriarty and Sherlock

- You've come the closest. Now you're in my way.
- Thank you.
- Didn't mean it as a compliment.
- Yes, you did.
- Yeah, ok, I did.

episode 3

children, Sherlock and John

- They wouldn't let us see Granddad when he was dead. Is that 'cos he'd gone to heaven?
- People don't really go to heaven when they die, they're taken to a special room and burned.
- Sherlock!

John and Sherlock

- Punch you?

- Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?

-  I always hear 'punch me' when you speak, but it's usually subtext.

- Don't do that.
- Do what?
- The look.
- Look?
- You're doing the look again.
- Well, I can't see it, can I? It's my face.
- Yes and you're doing a "We both know what's really going on here" face.
- We do.
- No, I don't, which is why I find the face so annoying.

Molly and Sherlock

- You're a bit like my dad. He's dead. No, sorry.
- Molly, please don't feel the need to make conversation, it's really not your area.
- When he was dying, he was always cheerful, he was lovely, except when he thought no-one could see. I saw him once, he looked sad.
- Molly.
- You look sad, when you think he can't see you.

Sherlock and John

- Alone is what I have. Alone protects me.
- No, friends protect people.

John and Mrs Hudson

- I have met someone.
- Oh! Ah, lovely.
- Yeah. We're getting married. Well, I'm going to ask, anyway.
- So soon after Sherlock?
-Hmm, well, yes.
- What's his name?
- It's a woman.
- A woman?!
- Yes, of course it's a woman.
- You really have moved on, haven't you?
- Mrs Hudson, how many times? Sherlock was not my boyfriend!
- Live and let live, that's my motto.
- Listen to me - I am not gay!

John

The thing about Mary, she has completely turned my life around. Changed everything. But, for the record, over the last few years there are two people who have done that, and the other one is... a complete dickhead.