damn it. I am happy for Ryuu-Asumi-Manaki trio. I am happy for the new Moon Troupe. I am almost successful in persuading myself that their new performances will be great, even if the start is not too impressive

and I am happy for other troupes which have such wonderful performances as Saint-Exupery, Legend of the Galactic Heroes, for example. they sound so wonderful. and they will be wonderful, I know, I believe!

I do believe. I really do

but 'tis just so impossible... I have just realized that my beloved are no longer there. I imagined the stage without them. and what I felt was the emptiness that eats your soul from within, which I have not felt for such a long time that I already started thinking 'twould never come back again

'tis completely ok when I watch performances on screen, or when I watch tv programmes with other siennes. but I just cannot go there, where the stage has no more the warmth that made me smile and cry. the beauty and sparkling of the shows yet to come suddenly became too far and too cold, though they are not going to change their very essence only because several people left

as if all this celebration were no longer for me. as if 'twere the same Takarazuka, but even if I stand in the middle of it, everything passes me by

I already wrote a quotation from Tamura Naomi-sama's song - 'we are going to move on'. and yet... damn it